Old Tat Magazine

Where fashion and art come together to celebrate a love for old tat.

Why I chose Cats Over Cock

With a small, fluffy and rather podgy cat rubbing itself around my ankles and leaving cat fur all over my new heels, his owner is explaining to me that you don’t even need to own any cats at all to be deemed a crazy cat lady in today’s society. All you have to do is refuse a man’s drink at a bar. This fiercely independent friend of mine picks her cats over cock any day. She explains why:

“Generally when I think about men, I have a feeling of extreme annoyance. Some men do deserve my respect, but others remain simply revolting. Sometimes I regard men as very attractive tools for doing the menial tasks we women do not wish to, such as changing a light bulb. I have been known to say the worst thing about splitting up with a man was having to take out my own bin. When men approach women, they are looking for the obvious, an ego stroke, or somebody to love him and wash his pants for the rest of his life so he can leave Mummy.

Women love being women. We think differently and we can do everything important men can do. If we harvested and froze enough sperm for the continuation of human kind (or woman kind) we could survive very well without men as a species. We manipulate men all the time and are incredibly honest about this. I would never manipulate a man in such a way that would hurt him, but getting my own way by withholding sex, or flirting outrageously are female rights we regularly exercise. Sometimes men are painfully easy to manipulate too.

Personally, I hate being chatted up full stop. I am filled with dread before they even approach me, the minute that look comes over their face once they spot me, ‘target acquired’. You can smell the desperation. You can take one look at a guy and know he’s changed his sheets at home and is desperate to get a girl into them. I am generally cold and will try to be as boring and unresponsive as possible. Guys love to throw that out and call you boring don’t they like you are going to be so desperate to prove them wrong you will blow them in the loos. As if.

Men fail to comprehend that women sometimes go out looking nice just because they like to dress that way and want to let loose, have fun with their friends, and spend their hard earned cash. This concept is alien to some men, who think women are out to have a one night stand with them and then be ignored afterwards. When a man offers me a drink, instead of dropping to my knees with gratefulness, I say,

“What for? Don’t waste your money, I’m not going to sleep with you,” and then proceeded to point out another girl, usually shrieking and grinding on her friends and suggest she might be a better investment of their £3.10. In a man’s eyes, if you do not accept his drink, then you are a cold hearted, feminist bitch. You must be a man hater who is never going to give anyone a chance and wants to be unhappy, wants to die alone with her cats. Cats are beautiful, and they can be handsome, they can be smart, or goofy and hilarious, they can be aloof and cold, or they can be emotionally aware and seek you out for a cuddle if you are sad. They are nature’s hot water bottles on a cold night. They are replacement companions who adore you, and the best thing is unlike men, they don’t get jealous if you have more than one.

The word ‘bachelor’ suggests a strong, independent and cool lifestyle, in reality it is covering a very sad man that nobody wants, or cannot psychologically manage commitment, whereas ‘spinster’ is a horrible word, used to make a single woman seem sad and weird. It is something men fear; a woman with no want or need for a man, so society has to label her as something undesirable to make men feel better about the rejection that being a spinster suggests. Men would rather believe we have an issue that causes us to only be capable of loving felines rather than having to face their own flaws. Men and cats are not mutually exclusive, you can have both, I just chose not to. Women should not be hurt by this label, would you rather be a crazy cat lady with a fulfilling life and beautiful moggy pals, or would you prefer a life as a downtrodden wife with somebody you settled for? Cats are nothing to be ashamed of. Cats are your reward for everything you refuse to put up with anymore.

Men steal your time. They are needy. They want to keep constant tabs on us. Think how much extra time you would have for yourself if you didn’t have to cater to a man’s needs! Mostly the pressure is from men, like zoo keepers. They want to keep the things they think are beautiful and precious confined to unnatural unhappy environments, and the more wild and free this specimen is, or the more the resistant it is to capture the more this hunter need to kill and squash its spirit is. Metaphorically they want my head on a plaque on a wall to show off.

So many single women chose to have cats as they are such a source of comfort in so many ways. Unlike men, cats personalities often compliment their owners personalities. I will be single until there is somebody worthwhile. So why do we really chose cats over cock? Many reasons! They are fluffy and sassy, and have tremendous attitude, which is utterly endearing. A cat could never ever hurt me or make me as angry as men have. A cat will never look into your eyes with anything other than curiosity and love. Cats never question you, they don’t have ulterior motives, they love you unconditionally. They don’t care how fat you are or how messy your house is. They are so trusting and would follow you off the end of the Earth. They are just an absolute delight to have around, and when they leave they always come back, and you can trust they haven’t been playing away. They never come home smelling of someone else been fed by some other woman. And even if they did, you could easily find another one at the local shelter, desperate for your love.”

Words and Photography by Loo Loo Rose

Originally published in ‘ROUGH UK Magazine’

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Author: oldtatmag

Old Tat magazine is a British niche bi-annual print publication featuring fashion, art and the miscellaneous celebrating all things tatty with a love for clutter. Print magazine available in stores now! Editor: Loo Loo Rose We accept submissions and welcome contributors. Email: oldtatmagazine@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter: @OldTatMag

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