Old Tat Magazine

Where fashion and art come together to celebrate a love for old tat.

“Man is a chauvinist pig”

I have been invited to join three lively women for coffee who purposely chose not to keep men in their lives. With all this man-free time, the women are explaining reasons why every woman should be the centre of her own universe and chuck their men out like they were an old pair of kitten heels.

“Reality TV is where most young girls look for role models these days, someone to be like. Unfortunately, the girls on the reality shows are spending all of their time obsessing over men, fretting over why he hasn’t called, or what his latest cryptic text meant.” So instead of being glued to their phones waiting for a man to call, what do these intelligent, independent and empowered girlfriends talk about over coffee? Politics? World peace? The contents of each other’s hand bags? No. They are circled round, throwing their heads back, cackling about how the young waiter who just served us probably has a tiny cock.
“The male chauvinist pig has had his day, and frankly we’re tired of listening to his shit. This is the time of the selfish woman. Women have always been held back and seen as the weaker sex, and yet we are entering a time when women have never been more free, more bold, more allowed. Sadly it’s not men holding us back, it’s other women. Those women who allow themselves to be mistreated by men time and time again, who encourage men to use them for sex, let them tell them what to wear or generally control them. These women encourage bad behaviour in men. Men are like dogs, they need to be trained and shown what’s acceptable and what’s not, and some women, usually starting with the mothers, just aren’t telling the men in their lives off enough.”
“It’s not that I can’t pull, every person with a hole between her legs and two bits of fat on their chest vaguely resembling breasts can pull. It’s that I don’t want to. The worst thing a man could possibly say to me is,
“Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” To which my response will always be,
“Why don’t you go and fuck yourself?!” By asking me this, men are implying that because of the way I look I should have a boyfriend, (because beautiful women aren’t allowed to be without men) but I just can’t seem to get one or hold him down. It never occurred to the pig that I don’t want one, that my entire world actually revolves around myself, my needs and my career, instead of chasing men round desperately trying to a get a ring on it.”
“One bloke actually strangled me when I refused to give him my number. He probably didn’t even fancy me, it was just bravado. Typical men thinking they can always get the girl, and when I publically rejected him (politely might I add,) in front of all of his friends, he couldn’t handle it. It took a passerby working promotions to beat him over the head with a clipboard in the middle of Leister Square. In hindsight, it’s hilarious, but at the same time, it is terrifying that his mentality was to physically put his hands on me when he couldn’t have what he wanted, like he could own me, and force me to do what he wanted. I am just lucky that this happened in a public place with people there to protect me.”
These women certainly mean business, and are convinced that at this point in their lives, men can do nothing for them that they can’t do themselves, including orgasm.
“Why is being responsible for your own orgasm such a bad thing? Men all talk the talk but when they take their clothes off they’re all just frightened little prepubescent boys and I could chew them up and spit them out. It’s exhausting, and not in a good way. I say when, where, and I can guarantee it for myself every time!”
“Look, we’re not saying never. Just not yet. We’re not living in the 18th century anymore! My life doesn’t need to revolve around finding a husband or pleasing a man. I live for me! And the more I do, the less need I find for the opposite sex. I’m not worried about getting old and finding myself alone and single, I’m looking forward to getting old and looking back over everything I achieved on my own, all the fun I had, and everything I could never have done if I had other responsibilities, or a man thinking he can control what I do. No, not all men behave in such disgusting ways, but why waste my precious time and take the risk?”
It would seem the ‘damsel in distress’ is a concept long buried in fairy tales. Nowadays women are their own heroes, and Prince Charming can do one.

Words and Photography by Loo Loo Rose

Originally published in ‘ROUGH UK Magazine’


Author: oldtatmag

Old Tat magazine is a British niche bi-annual print publication featuring fashion, art and the miscellaneous celebrating all things tatty with a love for clutter. Print magazine available in stores now! Editor: Loo Loo Rose We accept submissions and welcome contributors. Email: oldtatmagazine@gmail.com Follow us on Twitter: @OldTatMag

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